Going somewhere?

So my husband and I have been talking about taking the kids somewhere this up coming summer. As you all know we have 4 kids. Four kids in one car can be a major major headache if you are traveling a long distance.When we do go from state to state we have to find something for them all to do. Sometimes that can be hard if you do not want to make a million stops along the way.

We normally stop maybe once every two hours unless we need to change a diaper then we stop as soon as we can. But it seems like every time we stop one if not all of the kids want you to buy them something. For our kids most of the time they want us to buy them something sweet to eat or a meal from a fast food place. But I have some awesome ideas that should help your trip go a lot smoother. Weather you are just going to your ex's house to drop off your child or going on a family vacation.

 If you save the small zipper pouches from things you buy you can put your games together, snacks together and so on. You can even make yourself a small first aid kit for the car.

If you have a jar that is almost empty cut up some carrots or celery even apples and place them in the jar and now you have a snack on the road. Once it is empty you can toss it out.

When you are packing for traveling or even for just a weekend at grandma's house. Put your little one's outfits in a bag. Make sure it includes the outfit and accessories. It makes it easier for the child and easier for you to keep track of where things went.

If you have more than one child and you are like me and limit how many snacks they have during the day but your kids are old enough to handle their snacks on their own. Get a big baggy and write the child's or children's name on the bag. Each child gets only one bag. Put their snacks for the day in it and let them get a snack out of their bag whenever they want a snack however when the bag is empty it is just that. They do not get anymore snacks.

If you have a fisherman in the house (I have a hunter not a fisherman) you can use a CLEAN bait box and fill it with all kinds of goodies for the kids or even yourself. 

Now this is my favorite because this is what keeps my kids busy the whole trip. When the kids are not looking (most of the time you will have to do this the night before while they are asleep) Stuff a backpack one for each kid full of toys even their favorite toy. Place it in the car next to their seat that way when they get up set and asking how much longer over and over again they will have some fun toys to play with. I normally pack color books, color pencils, barbies, hot wheels, reading books and so on. It has saved me so much time and hassle with going back and forth between states. However when it comes to infants you will not be able to pack them a backpack with toys that they can get to themselves. You will want to get a few toys for the car like a mirror that hooks to the seat and so on but also make sure to bring a cuddle toy like the little animals in the baby section of your local wal-mart that are made for chewing. They work wonders. 

Never forget to get some kid friendly music like the wheels on the bus. I know it will drive you nuts but remember if you make a deal with them like if they are silent for 30 minutes they get 20 minutes of their music.

Ways to save money on cleaning products

As you know I like to save money anywhere I can so I am giving you a few of my favorite recipes for homemade cleaning products. Do NOT use these in anyway they are not suppose to be used. Use them only as the store bought kind are supposed to be.


Drain Cleaner and Declogger
1/4c Baking Soda
1/2 c Vinegar
 Pour baking soda down the drain and then follow by pouring the vinegar down the drain. 

Clean a toilet with coke
Pour coca cola in your toilet going around the rim.
Let it sit for 60 minutes (If you have stains and need a deep clean let it sit overnight)
Clean toilet with a scrub brush
Flush

Disinfectant Spray
1/2 teaspoon lavender castile soap
3 tablespoons white vinegar
1/2 teaspoon washing soda
2 cups hot water
Mixed it up in a squirt bottle.

Glass Cleaner
1/4 cup vinegar
2 1/2 cups water
1/2 teaspoon liquid dish or hand soap
5 drops lemongrass essential oil (optional)

1. Place all the ingredients in a bottle.
2. Attach a spray nozzle to the bottle. Shake vigorously to fully combine.
3. Spray onto glass surfaces.
4. Wipe clean using a cloth or a coffee filter.

Bleach Gel
3/4 c water
3 Tbsp corn starch
4-7 Tbsp household bleach
Mix water and corn starch together in a small pan. Bring to a boil, stirring continuously until mixture becomes translucent and pudding-like. Let cool. If you need to make it more than a few hours ahead of time, cover the pot with plastic wrap so it won’t dry out. Start adding bleach by the Tbsp, until you have the consistency and strength you desire. Gel will thin a little bit after sitting. Use as you would regular bleach gel.
***You’ll need to let this cool before adding the bleach. While I was waiting, I mixed up a bowl of ketchup, barbecue sauce and chocolate syrup.***

Lemonade Kool-Aid as Dishwasher Cleaner 
Clean lime deposits and iron stains inside the dishwasher by pouring a packet of lemonade Kool-Aid (the only flavor that works) into the detergent cup and running the (empty) dishwasher. The citric acid in the mix wipes out stains; you don't have to. 




 

Cheap eats

So I started doing some freezer meals. I love it... well... most of it. I am feeding 6 people total unless we have people over for dinner. So it is a lot of cooking up front but it does save sooo much time during the month. It even helps with time and all when it comes to the kids lunches for school.

Right now in the freezer I have Italian chicken, BBQ pineapple chicken, BBQ chicken, potato soup, taco soup, pizza pockets, ham and cheese pockets, peanut butter and jelly (4 different flavors) sandwiches, muffins (3 different flavors), pancakes and I have some stuff that I need to make the day of. I spent very little on all of the stuff I needed to make these. So here is how you start doing this and saving money!!!

Step 1 Recipe Selection
So this month I decided to go with new recipes. I always make my husband and kids try things they have never had. You can get your recipes from anywhere cookbooks, internet or even family recipes. Make 3 lists.

List #1
Prep no cook- 
No cooking at all just throw it all together in a bag and toss in the freezer.

List #2
Prep Minimum Cook-
Very little cooking. Like maybe you have to cook the meat and then toss it all together and place it in the freezer.

List #3
Make the day of-
This is what you will have to make the day of and freeze any leftovers.


(Extra list) List #4
School Lunches-
This is a list of things you will need in order to make your little ones a lunch for school. Most of the time you will have sandwich stuff here. But don't forget that you can pack soups salads and more to change it up.

Step 2 Planning
Once you have your recipes chosen it's time to compile your lists! 

List #1 consists of ingredients. I wrote/typed out every ingredient required for each recipe. This will help you start a tally chart for your grocery list. Using your ingredient list you can tally up all the different ingredients you will need to purchase. 
List #2 the grocery list. Using your tally chart of ingredients you can compile a master grocery list. Once you have your grocery list ready you are good to go!

Step 3 Grocery Shopping
Buy in bulk to save some money, use coupons and take advantage of "discount days". Also don't forget if you shop at dillions look for manager specials you can get meat that way really cheap. Once you have done this a few times you will be able to cut the cost of your meals by a lot!

Step 4 Label and Plan
Now that you have everything it is time to label your freezer bags. Each bag will need to be labeled with the name of the meal, the cooking and serving instructions.

Step 5. Cook

You are about to cook a million dinners all at once, and when it feels like the chopping, frying and grating will never end, just remember you will get a whole month off of cooking. WARNING your kitchen will be a royal mess to help with this make sure you have a sink of soapy water so you can wash as you go along. 

 

MY RECIPES

Burritos

    2 lb. ground beef
    2 cans re-fried beans
    1 1/3 c. enchilada sauce
    1/2 c. water
    1/3 c. minced onion
    1 Tbsp. chili powder
    1 Tbsp. garlic powder
    1 tsp. salt
    1 tsp. dried oregano
    3 c. shredded cheese (cheddar, Mexican blend, whatever)
    20 flour tortillas (burrito-size)

Brown ground beef; drain.  Add remaining ingredients (except tortillas).  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 20 minutes.

Heat 3-4 tortillas at a time.  Spoon 1/4 c. beef mixture down the side of each tortilla. 

Roll up.  Wrap each burrito in a paper towel, then wrap in foil. 
 

Refrigerate or freeze.  I like to pack them in the tortilla zip lock bag.  I can usually fit 10 per bag. Not such a good thing for burritos.

When ready to eat, remove foil and microwave for about a minute.  The paper towel keeps the burritos moist.  If you don’t use a microwave, skip the paper towel and just wrap in foil.  Then heat burritos in the oven with foil.  

Chicken Broccoli Casserole

    10 cups cooked rice (white or brown)
    4 cups cooked chicken, chopped
    4 cups chopped broccoli, lightly steamed
    2 cans cream of mushroom soup
    2 cans cream of chicken soup
    4 cups shredded cheddar cheese
    salt and pepper to taste

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and mix well.

To freeze: Divide into four zip lock freezer bags and seal tightly. Freeze flat.

To serve: Thaw overnight (or for 8 hours) in the refrigerator. Dump into a greased casserole dish (each bag will fill an 8×8-inch pan; two bags will fill a 9×13-inch pan). Sprinkle with additional shredded cheese, if desired.

Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes, or until heated through and bubbly.

This recipe makes around 15-18 servings. Each freezer bag serves 4-5 people.

 BBQ Pineapple Chicken

4 - 6 pound chicken (or some pieces of chicken)

all purpose seasoning 

one bottle of barbecue sauce 

15 ounce can of diced pineapples, undrained
Rub pork shoulder all over with all purpose seasoning and place in slow cooker.

Dump can of pineapples (undrained) over pork.

Pour bottle of barbecue sauce over pork.

Lift pork a little to let the sauce get underneath.

Cook on high for six (6) hours or low for ten (10) hours.

Shred in the pot and mix with the juice.
Strain & serve!

Baby weight

So I had been thinking about what to post today. I was deciding between freezer meals and weight loss. I ended up deciding to post about weight loss because I know there are a lot of women that want to lose weight after a c-section. I have had 4 c-sections. My newest c-section was 5 almost 6 months ago. I have been working out and controlling my eating. I have lost 19 pounds and a few inches.

So everything thing that I have read says what will help you get rid of the pooch and loose skin are the same work outs. So I am going to give you them and a little motivation. When I got married to my husband I was 210 pounds and 5 feet 6 inches. Now just a year later and a after having a baby. I am 191 and 5 feet 6 inches. Here are some of the exercises I used to help aid my weight loss.

4 Point Tummy Vacuum
Get on your hands and knees take a deep breath in and then breath out. Pull your belly button in to your spine and hold for 10 seconds and do 10 reps of this.

Pelvis Tilt
Lay on your back with your hands out or on your stomach. Put your feet flat on the floor with your knees bent and breath in deeply and breath out. Tilt your pelvis and hold for 10 seconds. Do 10 reps.

Plank
After a c-section it will be easier on you to do the modified plank. (On your knees) Do this for 30 seconds on your elbows and knees. You will want to make sure your tuck your pelvis under.

Reverse Crunch
Lay on your back with your knees bent and feet on the floor. Slowly lift your hips and feet towards your head lifting off the floor about an inch and then back down to the starting position. This will help your lower abdominal muscles.

Now I have been doing these along with cardio to help melt off the extra pounds. I am still far from thin but that is because I am over weight.But I am getting there. What I do to keep motivated is I have a motivation board in my house. I have a photo of me in a swimsuit (Eww) and a lot of photos for motivation plus I found this little website that is awesome and it shows you what you look like now and what you will look like when you reach your goal weight. Here is the link to it. Model My Diet 

If you need a workout for cardio here is a killer one.

• Jump rope- 1 minute
• High knees- 1 minute
• Butt kicks- 1 minute
• Jumping Jacks- 1 minute
• Burpees- 20 of them
•  RUN FOR 10 MINUTES
•  Jump rope- 1 minute
•  High knees- 1 minute
•  Butt kicks- 1 minute
•  Jumping Jacks- 1 minute
• Push ups- 10 of them
• Tricep dips-  10 of them
•  RUN FOR 10 MINUTES
•   Jump rope- 1 minute
•  High knees- 1 minute
•  Butt kicks- 1 minute
•  Jumping Jacks- 1 minute
• Mountain climbers- 1 minute
• Burpees- 20 of them 
•   RUN FOR 10 MINUTES

Photos for motivation!!

My Wonderful Dad

He may not have been my birth father but he raised me as his daughter and always treated me with respect and love even when the rest of the family didn't he was the one man that stood up for me no matter what. He will be truly missed. My heart and soul will hurt forever. No one can take his place. Here are some comments from friends family and myself. (I signed with his last name and that was the last name I was born with.)

July 24, 2013
We were very sorry to learn of Gayle's passing. We've known him for many years as both family and friend. He will be missed.
~ Brian and JoAnn Damron

July 22, 2013
I remember Gayle as a very Kind Man worked with him many years ago at Weyl Bausch Tire Co. Sorry for your loss
~ Gary Perry

July 21, 2013
Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time. Gayle always had a smile and a hello every time I saw him. He will be missed. God be with you all!!
~ David and Sheri Horn,

July 20, 2013
I will always love you. You may have been my grandfather but you took care of me. To me you were my dad. You took me in when I was 2 and for that I will always love you and have you in my heart. No one will ever replace you for me. You were my rock in so many situations. I will miss you dearly papa.
~ Ashley Hablitzel,

July 20, 2013
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of a great man, he meant a lot to me. He will always be remembered dearly by those who truly knew him. Your family will be in my prayers. He did a great job taking care of my daughter, I will always love him for that.
~ Sonya Faucett

DADDY I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU! NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS WE KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY FATHER I EVER HAD! YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART!!!

My dad's passing

I know I have not been on in a long while. Well the reason why is my computer crashed and then my dad passed away.

My dad passed away on the 18th of July. He was in a motorcycle accident. He passed instantly. I am glad he felt no pain. He never got to meet my newest baby. That upsets me. I went to his funeral and I cried like a baby because I had not seen him in a long time and when I was able to he was not there just his ashes. I had been trying to get a hold of him so we could meet up and he could see all my kids and I. 

I went to the funeral and I thought it was disrespectful to say the least and so what his obituary. It did not say that he was a great man that adopted my biological father and it did not say that he was such a loving man that he took me in when I was 2 years old and the state had taken me away from my bio dad and bio mom. If it wasn't for my father I would have had no where to go. But he stood up and took me in and raised me as his daughter. He was the one that I made and gave all the fathers day stuff to growing up and he would keep it on the fridge until the next year.Here is what it read:

Hablitzel, Gayle, 70, loving father and grandfather passed on July 18, 2013. Gayle worked at Steven Chrysler Jeep Dodge in west Wichita as a Sales Representative. Gayle was a proud U.S. Army veteran and former Belle Plaine city councilman. Gayle was preceded in death by his parents Adolf and Neta Hablitzel of Wichita and his brother Ron Hablitzel also of Belle Plaine. Gayle is survived by his Aunt LaVerna Grant of Canon City, CO; his sister Cheryl Seyler of Wichita; his children David Free and wife Rochelle of Wichita, Kristi (Hablitzel) Sanders and husband Brent of Fort Worth, TX, Amy (Hablitzel) Rose of Missoula, MT, and Margie Lakin and husband Shane of Belle Plaine. Gayle is also survived by 11 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren. A memorial will be held at Oatville Community Church, 3814 S. Hoover Rd., Wichita, KS 67215, on Wednesday, July 24 at 6:00 p.m. Condolences may be sent to 3128 S. Hiram, Wichita KS, 67217, before the services. Donations may be sent in his name to Oatville Community Church or Mount Olivet United Methodist Church.
 
The children it does list is crap! David Free and Rochelle Free made his life a living hell they made most of the family turn against him and then when his funeral was going on they showed up and put on a show. He wouldn't have wanted them there and they knew that! Amy Rose never talked to him after what David and Rochelle did and she should have known better.

As for counting me as a grandchild and my kids as great grandchildren was wrong. I was his daughter and my kids were his grandchildren and they have seemed to have forgotten that. They didnt even care about me enough to give me a photo of my dad.

I guess you can tell I am still not doing to well with accepting his passing.

Hablitzel, Gayle, 70, loving father and grandfather passed on July 18, 2013. Gayle worked at Steven Chrysler Jeep Dodge in west Wichita as a Sales Representative. Gayle was a proud U.S. Army veteran and former Belle Plaine city councilman. Gayle was preceded in death by his parents Adolf and Neta Hablitzel of Wichita and his brother Ron Hablitzel also of Belle Plaine. Gayle is survived by his Aunt LaVerna Grant of Canon City, CO; his sister Cheryl Seyler of Wichita; his children David Free and wife Rochelle of Wichita, Kristi (Hablitzel) Sanders and husband Brent of Fort Worth, TX, Amy (Hablitzel) Rose of Missoula, MT, and Margie Lakin and husband Shane of Belle Plaine. Gayle is also survived by 11 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren. A memorial will be held at Oatville Community Church, 3814 S. Hoover Rd., Wichita, KS 67215, on Wednesday, July 24 at 6:00 p.m. Condolences may be sent to 3128 S. Hiram, Wichita KS, 67217, before the services. Donations may be sent in his name to Oatville Community Church or Mount Olivet United Methodist Church. - See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansas/obituary.aspx?n=gayle-hablitzel&pid=165938856#fbLoggedOut

Read more here: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansas/obituary.aspx?n=gayle-hablitzel&pid=165938856#storylink=cpy

Hablitzel, Gayle, 70, loving father and grandfather passed on July 18, 2013. Gayle worked at Steven Chrysler Jeep Dodge in west Wichita as a Sales Representative. Gayle was a proud U.S. Army veteran and former Belle Plaine city councilman. Gayle was preceded in death by his parents Adolf and Neta Hablitzel of Wichita and his brother Ron Hablitzel also of Belle Plaine. Gayle is survived by his Aunt LaVerna Grant of Canon City, CO; his sister Cheryl Seyler of Wichita; his children David Free and wife Rochelle of Wichita, Kristi (Hablitzel) Sanders and husband Brent of Fort Worth, TX, Amy (Hablitzel) Rose of Missoula, MT, and Margie Lakin and husband Shane of Belle Plaine. Gayle is also survived by 11 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren. A memorial will be held at Oatville Community Church, 3814 S. Hoover Rd., Wichita, KS 67215, on Wednesday, July 24 at 6:00 p.m. Condolences may be sent to 3128 S. Hiram, Wichita KS, 67217, before the services. Donations may be sent in his name to Oatville Community Church or Mount Olivet United Methodist Church. - See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansas/obituary.aspx?n=gayle-hablitzel&pid=165938856#fbLoggedOut

Read more here: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansas/obituary.aspx?n=gayle-hablitzel&pid=165938856#storylink=cpy

Hablitzel, Gayle, 70, loving father and grandfather passed on July 18, 2013. Gayle worked at Steven Chrysler Jeep Dodge in west Wichita as a Sales Representative. Gayle was a proud U.S. Army veteran and former Belle Plaine city councilman. Gayle was preceded in death by his parents Adolf and Neta Hablitzel of Wichita and his brother Ron Hablitzel also of Belle Plaine. Gayle is survived by his Aunt LaVerna Grant of Canon City, CO; his sister Cheryl Seyler of Wichita; his children David Free and wife Rochelle of Wichita, Kristi (Hablitzel) Sanders and husband Brent of Fort Worth, TX, Amy (Hablitzel) Rose of Missoula, MT, and Margie Lakin and husband Shane of Belle Plaine. Gayle is also survived by 11 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren. A memorial will be held at Oatville Community Church, 3814 S. Hoover Rd., Wichita, KS 67215, on Wednesday, July 24 at 6:00 p.m. Condolences may be sent to 3128 S. Hiram, Wichita KS, 67217, before the services. Donations may be sent in his name to Oatville Community Church or Mount Olivet United Methodist Church. - See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansas/obituary.aspx?n=gayle-hablitzel&pid=165938856#fbLoggedOut

Read more here: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansas/obituary.aspx?n=gayle-hablitzel&pid=165938856#storylink=cpy

Hablitzel, Gayle, 70, loving father and grandfather passed on July 18, 2013. Gayle worked at Steven Chrysler Jeep Dodge in west Wichita as a Sales Representative. Gayle was a proud U.S. Army veteran and former Belle Plaine city councilman. Gayle was preceded in death by his parents Adolf and Neta Hablitzel of Wichita and his brother Ron Hablitzel also of Belle Plaine. Gayle is survived by his Aunt LaVerna Grant of Canon City, CO; his sister Cheryl Seyler of Wichita; his children David Free and wife Rochelle of Wichita, Kristi (Hablitzel) Sanders and husband Brent of Fort Worth, TX, Amy (Hablitzel) Rose of Missoula, MT, and Margie Lakin and husband Shane of Belle Plaine. Gayle is also survived by 11 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren. A memorial will be held at Oatville Community Church, 3814 S. Hoover Rd., Wichita, KS 67215, on Wednesday, July 24 at 6:00 p.m. Condolences may be sent to 3128 S. Hiram, Wichita KS, 67217, before the services. Donations may be sent in his name to Oatville Community Church or Mount Olivet United Methodist Church. - See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansas/obituary.aspx?n=gayle-hablitzel&pid=165938856#fbLoggedOut

Read more here: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansas/obituary.aspx?n=gayle-hablitzel&pid=165938856#storylink=cpy

She is gone

How is it she can be gone already? She was only 58 years old and had beat cancer twice but this third time it got her. Why did God have to take her from us.



You were the best mother in law and grandmother. I loved you like a mother and I hope you knew that. My heart hurts and cries. I hope you are sitting next to God. I hope you are not hurting anymore. I will everything I can for my kids to remember you. I love you.

The photo is a photo of my mother in law, husband and father in law that was taken a year ago. Before the cancer.

Milestones the good and bad

So my mother in law is in the ICU and not doing good at all she is starting to model. (That is a sign that death is coming fast and there is very little time left.) She has been there for my children and I for all the milestones that they make. She missed two of the biggest things last night.

My 3 year old finally spoke two words for the first time. He said "my ball" we have been waiting to hear his voice for 3 years and she would would have been so happy that he started to talk but she could not be here. Then my 4 month old (4 months today) rolled over from his tummy to his back. I don't know how we are ever going to get use to these things without her. She had been there for us while I was fighting with schools and doctors and she was there when I was celebrating my kids doing something great.

I just do not see how I can celebrate anything without her now. How am I suppose to celebrate birthdays or milestones.... anything? She has always been the glue that held this family together and now she is not going to be able to be here for any of it. How do people get through losing a parent or parent in law?

I know I had only had her for a year and a half but I had gotten really close to her. I was closer to her than I was with the woman that gave birth to me. To be honest I hate the woman that gave birth to me but I love the woman that raised me. I was raised by my grandmother. My grandmother is not my grandmother in my eyes she is my mom. The two women I was close to is my mom (grandma) and my mother in law. 

I am so scared to lose either of them and I am losing one of them now. I do not have a lot of family and the family I do have I am losing because God is taking them so they can be his angels. I just hope he lets me have my mom for at least another 10 or 20 more years. 

I cannot go through something like this again anytime soon. I just could not handle it. I think I am going to just go look at homes to buy or something to get past this. It just hurts so much that she missed these things that I know she would have been more than happy to see and hear.

Time ticks away

Right now time is just ticking away so fast. I do not even know what to say. I got a call from my husband saying there will be another meeting with the doctor at 6 tonight. But right now the doctor said that there was nothing he could do for her. I mean come on there must be something the doctor can do. I know saying that goes against my medical training but there just has to be something.

I just do not know what to do. I want to take my kids up to see her before she goes but I do not want them to see her and remember her the way she is now. The last time my kids saw her was a few days ago. We were at my niece's birthday party. She did not look really well but she looked good enough that my kids did not ask questions or notice anything different. But the adults did.

How is it on the 6th she was happy talking and holding my youngest son and then on the 8th she was in the hospital with all kinds of problems and now she is going to pass. How can cancer go this fast. I was sure she would at least be able to see my son turn 6 months old and now it looks like she wont see him a week into his 4th month of life.

I guess what my mom said is right at least she got to see her son get married and have a baby. But what does that matter if she does not get to see her grandson grow up? She should be able to see that. I mean I do not even know if my father in law will be able to. My father in law has a lot of health problems and they just celebrated the 38th year of marriage. You know when you love someone so much and have been together for so long most of the time the other spouse does not make it much longer than the other.

I know that I should not be thinking like that but I just cannot help but think about all this stuff. What else can I do but think that. I feel like everything I am doing is just making things worse. If I am not there people look down on me and if I am there people act like I have no right to be there. All I want is to be there for my mother in law father in law and husband. But I do not even know how to be there for them. I have no idea how to be there for the kids once they find out either.

Is this how it is for every woman that goes through this or is it just me? I need to know what I am suppose to do but no one will tell me or can tell me. I just need some guidance.

UPDATE- They said at the latest she will make it to tomorrow morning she is not stable enough to call hospice and she would not tolerate a move.

Just trying to get through

My husband and I are just trying to get through this together but it is so hard. It seems like if we even talk about his mom he gets upset. So now we do not talk about her at all even if I see something I want to buy her I do not say it. So I have been looking into buying a house and what we need for our special needs kids (there are things we need in a house for them). I know that we cannot really afford to buy a house right now but there are a few I love. I know they will be off the market before we can buy them.

I have decided that thinking about helping our special needs kids is so much easier than facing the truth of what is going on with my mother in law. The worst part of my emotional state is that I know that some day I will lose my mom. After all our mothers are about the same age and I do not think that I would be able to get through my mom passing. 

I still have no idea how good my husband really is doing. He wont open up to me. I am honestly getting jealous of his sisters because he opens up to them more than he does me. I know I shouldn't be but I am. He opens up to them hugs them and all that but with me he is nothing like that. The night this all started with her being in the hospital he just walked off and left me alone with the kids. She is my mother in law and I want to see her too. I guess the good thing is if she does pass today her last words to me were "I Love You"

I just can't only worry about other things my mind always always goes to that ICU room with her in it. I just cannot believe that we are going through this in our late 20s we were suppose to be going through this in our 40s... not after only 1 year of marriage. I just wish I knew what to do to get us through this. 

Please tell me how do I get my husband, my kids, my father in law and I through this. I am so lost on what to do and how to do it. 


Update- There will now be a family meeting today that I cannot be apart of because the doctor said that more chemo will not do anything for her. They think the doctor is going to call in hospice and say just wait for her to pass on. (I am fighting not to cry she only got to know her grandson for 4 months as of tomorrow)

Not a good day at all

So I got a call last night about 8. It was my sister in law she said meet us at the hospital now. So we get all the kids together and drive all the way to the hospital to find my mother in law was having issues. I stayed out in the van with the kids because I do not want them to see her like that. After a while we find out she is dehydrated and is in pain with very low oxygen levels. So they are going to take her by EMS to another hospital about 2 hours away.

We drove home and dropped my kids off with my brother and went on to the hospital. when we got there we found out it was worse then we thought. She had to be given meds for blood pressure, to thin her blood, antibiotics, and 2 units of blood. She was going to be admitted to the hospital. So about 430 am she was admitted and moved to the ICU. About 4 the next day we find out that the cancer has spread and it is really bad now.

She was cancer free about 3 weeks ago 5 days ago we find out she has stage 4 liver cancer and now we find out there is a spot on her lungs about the size of a 50 cent piece, that 85%-90% of her liver has cancer, that it is in her bones and blood. It is moving so fast it is a race against time at this point. They sent her for a biopsy and now we wait to find out what kind of cancer we are dealing with. We were told it could be that the breast cancer came back for a 3rd time or it could be a new cancer.

We were told at this point all we can do is try to keep her comfortable. They did not give us a time on how much longer she has but we all know it is not much. Most likely she will not make it to our kids next birthdays. This has just been so hard for me and my husband. My kids have no idea that grandma is sick. I don't want to tell them and I do not want to let them see her like this. I do not want them to remember her like this. 

I just feel like I am being a bad mom because they should be able to see her. I do not want to take time away from them. But at the same time I do not want to ruin what memories they have of her. I hope I am doing what is right for everyone.

Looking to buy

So I have decided we have to buy a home. For a home with 4 bedrooms it will cost between 700 and 800 dollars a month and those are not even the nice homes. I would rather buy a home and pay less and be able to paint walls, plant flower, and have a kids pool if I want to. Right now our landlord is a butt-head and will not allow even a small kids pool from wal-mart. So my kids get to run through the sprinkler but if the landlord found out she would probably have issues with that too.

So in my search for homes I have found a lot of nice ones but I have no clue other than looking online what to do. I know we need to get a realtor but that is about all I know. I want to see if I can get some new home buyer stuff. But I don't even know where to go to find that stuff either. 

I have big hopes for buying a house soon. I cannot stay in the city much longer before I lose my mind. I want to live in the country so bad. I miss the country. I am pretty easy to make happy when it comes to buying a house. On the top of my list of wants it is a big kitchen and a big fenced yard. Those are the two most important things for me. 

You need a big kitchen when you have 4 kids and a hubby. Plus it would be nice to have a big kitchen and yard so I can have the family over for holidays. My favorite two holidays are Christmas and 4th Of July. (I think my next post will have to be all about Christmas!!!) I like to plan my decorations and all early so that way I have time to get everything I need before hand.

So back to what I was talking about... houses for sale not holidays. So I have found a few that I like but I do not want to move to another city and I know where I want to be but the problem is there is no homes big enough for sale. Where I want to be they only have two 3 bedrooms for sale and they do not look that good. 

Just looking and planing to buy a home is stressful. If only I had some help. My husband will look at the houses I like and most of the time he agrees that they are nice and tell me he likes them but he will not do anything else. I have been looking for dang near 6 MONTHS!! We should have had something done by now. I know he feels like we cannot afford to buy one right now but that is because he has not looked into what we could get as help for us being 1st time home buyers. 

My mother in law

I love my mother in law. She is more of a mother to me than the woman that gave birth to me. It tears me up what is going on with her. But I try not to show it because I have to be strong for her and for other members of my family.

I am scared very scared that she will not make it to my son's 1st birthday. My husband is very heartbroken but he acts like it no longer bothers him even though it does. It has to after all we just found out 3 days ago. I gave her some of my body by vi shake mix because from what a promoter told me it is approved for cancer patients. I am praying that this will help her. We want to keep her with us as long as we can.

It is so hard for me to type this without crying. Tonight we will get to see her at my niece's 16th birthday party and I am scared to go because I have been told she is not like what she used to be. She has lost a lot of weight and she is tired all the time and on top of that she is having issues with swollen feet and ankles. I am not just scared for me to see her but my kids too. I am worried that they will ask questions and that they will wear her out. My kids have no idea that grandma is slowly dieing and I don't plan on telling them. I think it would ruin what time they have left with her. I cannot do that to them.

I have attached a photo of her from a year ago. I love her so much. If you have it in your heart please pray for her. (I do not care what your religion is she needs all the prayer she can get.)

So stressed

This last week has been crazy. I found out that my mother in law is not in good health at all. (Stage 4 liver cancer and she found out at the end of fighting and winning her 2nd fight with breast cancer) I am so worried about how my husband is taking it and how my kids will take it when they find out. As hard as it is for me I have been trying to just live my life as nothing is wrong. I just don't want to mess up and put my foot in my mouth so I just figure if I act like nothing is wrong I have less of a chance of doing that and maybe my mother in law will like that someone is not acting funny towards her. 

Then my husband's work scheduled is just plain nuts. They don't even have him on a set shift for now. So one day he may work 1st then the next maybe 3rd. I hate that. But I can't really voice it to him because I know he is working hard for all of us.

So with my ex husband no longer working I do not get child support anymore and we had things coming up that we had to cancel. So for now I am thinking about what I can do to save some money. I found out that the cloth diapers we use cost to much for us right now and I need more and the "special" is crap this time. So I was talking to some other ladies that cloth diaper and I found out how to fold t-shirts into cloth diapers!!! I never knew about t-shirt diapers. I still need to snappi it but here is a photo of my very 1st attempt at it. It was not the best but you get the idea of what it is to be. (I stole one of my hubby's shirts to do this.)

Our normal cloth diapers are nothing like this they are really nice. They have snaps and they fit infants up to toddlers. I love them so much but they cost 7 and up per diaper. I know they save me a lot of money in the long run but in the short run it just costs way to much. But yes I bought some a few months back anyway. We spent about 300 on just 38 and a few inserts. Here is a photo of what the diapers we normally use look like.

As you can tell there is a big big difference. But I just love all the different kinds of cloth diapers.

*** NOTE- I will be blogging all kinds of stuff from how my week or day was to even just recipes. I will post more than once a day to maybe once a week. This blog all depends on how busy or laid back my life is at that time. I go to school online and take care of 4 kids a husband 4 dogs and a house. So please be patient with me. Thanks.***