Just trying to get through

My husband and I are just trying to get through this together but it is so hard. It seems like if we even talk about his mom he gets upset. So now we do not talk about her at all even if I see something I want to buy her I do not say it. So I have been looking into buying a house and what we need for our special needs kids (there are things we need in a house for them). I know that we cannot really afford to buy a house right now but there are a few I love. I know they will be off the market before we can buy them.

I have decided that thinking about helping our special needs kids is so much easier than facing the truth of what is going on with my mother in law. The worst part of my emotional state is that I know that some day I will lose my mom. After all our mothers are about the same age and I do not think that I would be able to get through my mom passing. 

I still have no idea how good my husband really is doing. He wont open up to me. I am honestly getting jealous of his sisters because he opens up to them more than he does me. I know I shouldn't be but I am. He opens up to them hugs them and all that but with me he is nothing like that. The night this all started with her being in the hospital he just walked off and left me alone with the kids. She is my mother in law and I want to see her too. I guess the good thing is if she does pass today her last words to me were "I Love You"

I just can't only worry about other things my mind always always goes to that ICU room with her in it. I just cannot believe that we are going through this in our late 20s we were suppose to be going through this in our 40s... not after only 1 year of marriage. I just wish I knew what to do to get us through this. 

Please tell me how do I get my husband, my kids, my father in law and I through this. I am so lost on what to do and how to do it. 


Update- There will now be a family meeting today that I cannot be apart of because the doctor said that more chemo will not do anything for her. They think the doctor is going to call in hospice and say just wait for her to pass on. (I am fighting not to cry she only got to know her grandson for 4 months as of tomorrow)