Milestones the good and bad

So my mother in law is in the ICU and not doing good at all she is starting to model. (That is a sign that death is coming fast and there is very little time left.) She has been there for my children and I for all the milestones that they make. She missed two of the biggest things last night.

My 3 year old finally spoke two words for the first time. He said "my ball" we have been waiting to hear his voice for 3 years and she would would have been so happy that he started to talk but she could not be here. Then my 4 month old (4 months today) rolled over from his tummy to his back. I don't know how we are ever going to get use to these things without her. She had been there for us while I was fighting with schools and doctors and she was there when I was celebrating my kids doing something great.

I just do not see how I can celebrate anything without her now. How am I suppose to celebrate birthdays or milestones.... anything? She has always been the glue that held this family together and now she is not going to be able to be here for any of it. How do people get through losing a parent or parent in law?

I know I had only had her for a year and a half but I had gotten really close to her. I was closer to her than I was with the woman that gave birth to me. To be honest I hate the woman that gave birth to me but I love the woman that raised me. I was raised by my grandmother. My grandmother is not my grandmother in my eyes she is my mom. The two women I was close to is my mom (grandma) and my mother in law. 

I am so scared to lose either of them and I am losing one of them now. I do not have a lot of family and the family I do have I am losing because God is taking them so they can be his angels. I just hope he lets me have my mom for at least another 10 or 20 more years. 

I cannot go through something like this again anytime soon. I just could not handle it. I think I am going to just go look at homes to buy or something to get past this. It just hurts so much that she missed these things that I know she would have been more than happy to see and hear.